Wednesday 22 December 2004

It's Pre-Christmas Update time...

*cheers*

Have been relaxing since handing in my 'Digital' assignment. Am glad it's out the way, but still have nagging doubts over the way I've done it.

Had the Staff Christmas Meal on Monday night. That was fun. It was a lovely meal of Prawns (starter) Lamb (main course) and Christmas Pudding (dessert). Don't know why I capitalised those words.

Anyway, most of us then went to a kareoke bar place that is renowned in Huddersfield for something. I don't know what it's renowned for but everyone knows it's name. And I have now been there.

I left the party at nearly 2am, walked all the way home. Got stopped by the police at one point. Well I was wearing a black coat, black gloves and walking through the streets of outer Huddersfield at 2 in the morning. I look suspicious at the best of times! Anyway, they seemed satisfied I wasn't a troublemaker.

So then, it's the big day on Friday. Wish I had my big blue christmas hat (I know it's meant to be a wizzzard hat, but it was the only one in the shoppe). Work is finishing at 9 (45 minutes early - I've already had complaints about us being shut Christmas day), at which point I'm jumping into my car and beginning Operation Santa.

First Stop: Tracy's house (Lancashire), cards and presents
Second Stop: Micheal's house (West Mids), he may not be there but it's the only way he'll get his present and card.
Third Stop: Chris's house (West Mids), drop off cards for my cousins
Fourth Stop: Esther's house (Worcestershire), drop off card and appraise her ner home since I haven't seen it yet.
Fifth Stop: Parents House (West Mids), primarily for sleep!

It's gonna take me a good 3 hours to do the journey so I should get back by 2am at the very latest. Still, I'm looking forward to it. I am actually excited about it. I like these challenges.

Well, I have to go and get some money out at the cash machine and then it's back home for dinner, then I'm off to work for my penultimate shift this side of Christmas.

I would now like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Thursday 9 December 2004

Wow, a long day! But, I've managed to get more of my assignment written up. I've been through it, corrected things, formatted it, so it's now quite close to completion. Just need to look up a few final facts on how VHDL lets you design at different abstraction levels. And I need the library for that. And yes, it is still open, but at 20:20 i think it's time to call it a day. don't you?

Haven't done much work on my project. It's mostly research really. Well, if I want any chance of a good grade, it's mostly research. But i still haven't got the robot up and working. I haven't even started building it. Well, that's not strictly true - i did start building it, then i thought "why am i making this so complicated?" and so decided to chuck it in the bin. Will do that during the xmas holiday. Want to get my assignments out the way first. As I mentioned before, the Digital assignment is nearly done (has to be in this time next week) but I have a comms assignment to hand in the first week after xmas. Hopefully, I'll get it finished next wednesday, no report for that one - just a logbook.

I have now bought my xmas cards. have bought 40 - not that i have 40 friends, but everyone at work'll want a card. So I got plenty. So will fill them out on Sunday probably.

Action packed at the moment?!

What else do i need to mention? Did i tell everyone i fixed my car? I did and was very proud of myself.

I seem to be heamorraging money. Not the nicest of words to use, I know, but I wanted dramatic effect and I think I managed it. Will have to keep a close eye on finances. Have plenty to last me for the next 3 months though at the least, so I'm not overly worried just yet.

Right, I'm tired and I'm sure after the nice cold walk, I'll be hungry too. So I'm going home and having my bolognese. And I shall enjoy it. I shall endeavour for an early night, get up later (about 8am I think), come in to uni and finish off my digital assignment. If there's time, there's plenty other stuff I can be getting on with.

I started this year by making packed lunches. Trouble is, there's nowhere to eat packed lunches at uni. Well, there is, but I'd have to wait till after the lunchtime rush. So I tried eating in my car, but it's getting a little too cold for that so I;ve been going into town for food. I think it's costing me about £3 a lunch, which is quite a bit when you think about it. So I may have to start packing my own lunches again - but I'm so exhausted from the almost non-stop work... I don't know how we manage!

Well, that concludes my update. Hope it's been informing and, with any luck, interesting. Am now alone in the university building. I'm glad those doors are locked! Bye everyone

Wednesday 8 December 2004

Chrsitmas shopping is expensive. I've done most of mine - i hope people like what i've got them.

Uni is ok - still feeling stretched, but I'm knuckling down and doing the work. It'll be ok.

Money is slowly disappearing. Am thinking of starting my pension fund. will have to look into it all - but it's got to wait until the christmas break - everything personally oriented seems to be waiting till the christmas break.

I'm scared. I'm scared that i've come this far and I'm going to fail uni on one subject. Analytical thinking isn't my strong point. Mainly because I don't trust my own opinion. Of course, you could turn that on its head and say that i'm wrong about thinking i'll fail because i have poor judgement. You see the predicament i'm in?!

anyway, that concludes the update. One funny bit of news is that apparently i've made 101 posts. I seem to not remember number 100 - it jumped from 96 to 101 and has been stuck there for a good 4 posts. Did that make any sense?

Thursday 2 December 2004

It's December.

Current Mood: Stressed, tired.

Remedy: Leave uni early and put feet up.

See ya!

Wednesday 24 November 2004

Just the one gripe that i'd like to get out of the way...

There's a little cafe over at our end of the uni. It has many sandwhiches and panini's but the cooked food is a little less varied. Today we have:
jacket potato (plain),
vegetable samosa's,
vegetable curry,
chicken tikka massala,
sausage and bacon.

and it's not much better over the rest of the week. I often have to keep reminding myself that only something like 5% of students here are foreign students. You wouldn't think it walking around. Still - that can be explained. Anyway - my point is I feel like I'm the odd one out - with so many facilities to cater for foreign students. I know they need it cos they're the one's making the biggest leap, but i can't help how i feel.

I'm going to see if i can drop a shift at work. probably wednesdays since I'm not needed as badly on a wednesday. Need more time for assignments and write ups, and studying. Will have a chat with my supervisor if he's in. See what he thinks when i explain the situation. I won't just stop suddenly, i'll wait to see if they can hire a replacement first. It's not that vital.

Am off into town to get lunch now. Wanted something cooked but at least Greggs don't ignore me. Also, it's cheaper. ABout the same amount of choice mind you.


Wednesday 17 November 2004

car broke down last night. Fuel pump's gone. Cos I've got the wrong model - I can't test the fuel pump before replacing it. It's simple enough to replace - it's a simple slot-in job. just need tools and such.

Car got towed back home. Free - cos I've got breakdown cover included with my insurance. But I didn't get back till gone 2am - I set off for home at 10pm! Though I'll give it a good inspection this afternoon and see what I can do. So not much uni work shall be done today.

Went to see Bridget Jones last night too - the second one, edge of reason. It was good. Thoroughly entertaining and the like.

Not had much sleep hence the dis-jointed thought processes.

Monday 15 November 2004

Sorry to keep you hanging on like that... I never did a reply.

Well, as you may guess, it's been a busy week. and a bit.

Have cracked my assignment - now it's just a case of finding time to get it done. Haven't worked on it today like I should have - I've been doing some writing for my project - I can't believe it's taken me over 5 hours to come up with two pages of info - what HAVE i been doing with the time?

It's not like I write slowly. Ok, so I sent a few emails, but that doesn't take 5 hours!!!

Well, it's been a long day, and tomorrow isn't looking good either. Plenty to be doing.

Haven't fixed my car yet. Had a go at the weekend, but I couldn't undo the third of 3 nuts. So will have to by a socket wrench. I think that's what it's called. I require sockets at any rate.

Cut my finger at work - it was quite a nasty cut - deep and right on the edge of my nail. So it doesn't bleed out of the wound, it bleeds from under my nail - a spooky sight to say the least.

I'm tired, hungry and need the loo, so I think I'll put my books back on the library shelves and call it a day. Forgot to take meat out last night for tea - so I'll pop over to ASDA on my way home and pick some stuff up - i need to go anyway.

Oh - have you heard about the potential mumps epidemic? Well apparently, 70% of my uni's student population (0f 16,000) is susceptible to mumps. I'm ok - I had the two jabs, but already I think 4 people have mumps here. I'm always a bit cautious now when anyone starts coughing or sneezing.

Well, I hope I haven't been being selfish or anything just lately - and I think I'm living a good life. Uni is stressful, but still better than my work placement - mainly cos I'm doing stuff that interests me here!

Right, enough waffle, time to go.

Thursday 4 November 2004

Hello!

Just a little time before my lecture this morning to keep you up to date...

Software and book from Amazon haven't arrived yet. We've had no "couldn't deliver, please come to post office to collect" notes and it's approaching Red Dwarf V DVD Limited Edition release date (8th Nov). So that'll be 3 things I've ordered that haven't turned up!

I now think I live in a house that doesn't exist in the normal universe.

Though normal post (letters and such) do get there - though admittedly, it did take nearly 2 weeks to get a letter from my Mum that was sent 1st class. So I think I've just got to be patient. I may head down to the sorting office though and see if they've got anything of mine lying around.

Oooh - also should mention my first assignment of the year. HAd a go last night, found I didn't understand what I was doing. So am going to use today to learn all about the system and then monday to learn all about the software we're recreating this system in, and then on Wednesday I'm going to kick ass.

Hopefully.

Right, lecture time.

Tuesday 2 November 2004

I'm much calmer now. So you can come out from behind the settee.

I don't regret anything I said yesterday, which is good cos it means I wasn't just thinking that cos I was annoyed.

I went home shortly after writing that email cos I was near hitting someone. I went back and just relaxed. Played on my computer for a bit and had a fairly early night after a lovely tea I cooked myself. Had a shower this morning, and although I still feel pressured, I don't feel annoyed or angry.

Have got to get on with my project today. It's fallen behind because I can't really do any more design work without a software simulator. The one at uni still doesn't work and mine was supposed to arrive by yesterday. I'll go home today for lunch and see if it's arrived. In the mean time, it's report writing that needs doing. Trouble is, I don't know how much detail I need to put in. I don't know whether I need to justify every decision, or just prove that my work is unique (or a combination of both). I'll have to find out.

There's been no word from the people who are buying my landlady's house. So I might be ok till christmas. Am definately considering moving out though. Not that she's nasty or anything - quite the opposite in fact. I just like to be left to my own devices if you know what i mean - I'm sure they're joking, but it still hurts when they say I should feel guilty for taking time out to rest. I should say something, but you can't ask someone to change who they are. So I'll grin and bear it I think.

Well, to work I go...

Monday 1 November 2004

I am sick to death of people ignoring me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So while I'm nice and irate, i'll explain:

Firstly, asked uni if I could bring my own computer to uni so i could get work done (cos none of the bloody software works here). No reply to email.

Secondly, emailed a load of colleges asking if I could speak to them about my project so I could get a better idea of the background - essential info for my project! No reply. I shall now proceed to name and shame these colleges:
  • Stourbridge College
  • Dudley College
  • Huddersfield Technical College
  • Burnley College
Only one college has replied. They gave me the phone number of the person I need to speak to. So I would like to extend my gratitude to the Information Officer at Nelson & Colne College. "Thank you".

Thirdly, I asked a lecturer (who shall remain nameless) at my uni (Huddersfield) about my group project next year. Ok, so the info isn't needed urgently and something will sort itself out. And this lecturer is very busy, so I'll forgive them for that. But it's been over 2 weeks now. 2 weeks and I still have no reply.

What am I doing wrong? What have I done that makes these people think "I can't be bothered replying to him, he's obviously not important enough for my time". I spend five to ten minutes writing an individual email - just to make sure that it's coherent and that I give enough information for the recipient to understand what I mean.

Ok, so lets think about the colleges. The colleges may be thinking "he's a student and he wants us to do his work for him cos all students are lazy". Maybe I phrased the email wrongly? Maybe instead of a general theme of "i want to talk to you about my project and how it would fit in to your teaching requirements" I should've just said "I want to ask you some questions, see attatched questionnaire". Would they prefer that? I bloody well doubt it!
Maybe they think that my project is irrelevant to them? Well shouldn't they ask for more detail if they think that? Or maybe even reply just to say "no thanks". Come on - I know they're very busy, overworked, underpaid people but how long does it take a person (who's not me) to write an email saying "Hi, Can't help I'm afraid. "

And while I'm on the warpath, (and writing the kind of post that'll get me sued by the aforementioned institutions) why don't I have a go at Dixons? No, not the car selling Dixons, the electrical retailer that owns Curry's and PC world and used to own Freeserve. I have no problem with the latter companies - just Dixons.

Every branch of Dixons I've been to I've either been sold dodgy goods, lied to or ignored...
dixons, burnley --> sold me a dvd player that didn't work right, before packing up altogether
dixons, boston and stourbridge --> refused to sell me batteries
dixons, merry hill --> they said they had a job vacancy, I filled in application form, got an interview, went for interview and was then told i wasn't old enough
dixons, huddersfield --> bullied me into getting a 5 year warranty for a stereo that wasn't complete (no remote control) and then refused to supply me with a remote control, ignored me when I went to ask for one before I finally spoke to a manager who told me just to order one from their spares company and to take the receipt in to the branch and they'd refund me - which of course they didn't do

Which all in all, makes me feel very stupid, very gullable and very very annoyed.

And, just in case some lawyer comes along and smells money I shall write the following, in the vain hope of not making his day:
This post, and various rants about colleges, universities and companies are my views only. It is most likely that the above experiences do not represent the views of the majority of their respective customers/students. However, they are real events that I experienced, and I feel I have a right to air those opinions.

Tuesday 26 October 2004

in total, I've had to wait in a police station for an hour and a half to hear they can't do anything about my nuisance caller cos he isn't abusive. Not only do i feel bad for wasting their time, i also feel stupid for waiting so long.

AAAAAAANYway, have decided to get in touch with colleges and universities and schools to ask (put simply) what they think of my project. I have two pages of questions and lots of explaining about concepts, thought the essence of the thing is remarkably simple. I know it's not exactly a novel approach, but i did come up with the idea all by myself.

And no, it's not just a questionnaire because I hope to be visiting these colleges and asking them in person. At least for the first few - till I know how to ask for what I need. So lots of stuff to do.

My Amazon orders have been half dispatched - my new simulation software will be delivered sometime before monday. The next PTerry novel is on order (Going Postal), but am not sure if the order went through ok, so am waiting to find out (it should arrive tomorrow if all is well). Have also pre-ordered red dwarf V limited edition from play.com.

So I'm just waiting now - can't really do much. Though I may begin on designing some other aspects of my project.

I'm still tired. Don't get much time to myself, which is a bit of a bugger, but I'm not stressed. At least, I don't have excema spreading all over my face and arms - so that must be a good sign. Though I still wonder why my land lady does some of the things she does. Still, I'm enjoying it there.

Not much else to report I'm afraid. First of my assignments has begun - seems easy enough in theory, just a lot to do.

Well, I'll be off. Take care everyone *waves*

Thursday 21 October 2004

Good afternoon to the world in general,

Am submitting the first piece of work for my project today. It's the plan of action thingy. Looks quite smart I reckon - though, and I'll say it now so we don't argue later, it's missing some detail on why I'm doing this project. But I said enough for a general idea. it's not an essay after all. But no doubt it'll be what's wrong with it.

I can't remember what I've said already.

Alton towers was good. car coped well. Brake warning light kept flickering though and the braking made the wheels vibrate. I think there's a problem with the brake disk - probly worn out, though they shouldn't be. I'll ask me dad when he comes up for Tracy's sister (Leona)'s engagement party in Novemeber. I also need to ask him what I can do about the fan motor whining, the timing belt squeaking and tell him off for the filthy back window!

None of that makes any sense to anyone but me does it really?

Oh well.

Didn't go to work do - went out to a restaurant instead with Trace. It was very nice.

I should be off now.

Friday 15 October 2004

WHAT A WASTE
I'VE SPENT ALL DAY TRYING TO GET THIS DAMN PIECE OF SOFTWARE TO WORK...SO THAT'S A WHOLE DAY OUT OF MY TIGHTLY PACKED SCHEDULE THAT'S A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

great eh?

alton towers tomorrow. lets hope it's cold, rainy AND windy when I go on the rides.
Hope it won't take long to get there. I won't go the motorway way - so I'll have to check times. Means i'm going to have to get up at something past 5 tomorrow morning. Will be lucky to get to bed before 11pm tonight. so guess who'll be bricking it all the way?

in retrospect, today hasn't been a complete waste. just 90% waste. I've finished, theoretically at least, my motor driver circuit for my robot. This is good. all i need to do now is test it. which is where the software comes in.

right, i have 2 hours before work, take 25mins out for travelling and i have 1hr35 to get home, eat, get ready. no probs. Just one question...

when do i get to relax?

Thursday 14 October 2004

I wish to pose a question to my landlady put don't know how best to put it. The question would be - what have i done to piss you off?

Shouldn't use dryer unless clothes are already dry
hasn't supplied my choice of breakfast (i've been living off tiny bits of bread that fill me up for, ooh, two hours at best)
Oh, the latest one... you'll like this... shouldn't have lie-in's. (and by lie-in I mean sleeping till 9am instead of 7am. And i have to tell her so she doesn't alarm the house)

Sorry, I don't come here just to vent my anger, I come here to let you know whats going on - and the above is important information to let you know why i'm in such a bad mood today.

Alton towers on Saturday. I'm driving Trace and Richard there. Smaira couldn't come unfortunately - haven't really spoken to her in over a year! She nearly let me walk past her in a corridor two weeks ago - lucky i noticed in time.

Anyway, am going to get trace to go on Air. I've heard it described as boring, but it's just enough for me. Nemesis just throws you around - which is great if you want to know what clothes feel like in a washing machine on fast spin.

Then on monday it's the staff party. Trace is comin to that too - so she'll be sick of me come tuesday.

Talkin of work - fire alarms went off last night so we had to evacuate the place. The latest word is that somebody next door was smoking in an office. If that's true, someone is in serious trouble.

time to disappear to my lecture. Uni is going well by the way, I've got a nice routine going. trouble is - where am i going to fit in time for assignments?

Lets see how it goes....

Thursday 7 October 2004

course has started well. I have faith in my abilities.

house i'm lodging at is looking like it might sell, so I've got to look into new places to stay (I'd just settled in aswell!

Caught a cold - bloody first years.

Work is going well.

Have a trip to alton towers in a couple weeks time. Have Tracy's sisters engagement party in november. and i completely forgot about my doctors appointment and i now feel very guilty.

Am sick to the back teeth of people assuming i'm in my first year of uni. What am i doing wrong?

Don't know who to vote for in the upcoming election cos i'm not sure there's anyone i particularly want to vote for. We need a system whereby the best qualities of each party can work together. Rather than the bickering and bitching circus that is parliament.

Tuesday 7 September 2004

Helloooo everyone!

I'm back in Huddersfield and it's going well. Have settled into job well - despite being on a new department. It's all a fun challenge. Have started work on my project for the year - expect to hear a lot about that.

I shall return with further updates soon...

Thursday 26 August 2004

Well, it's all happened this week!

Have a job sorted,
Have a place to live sorted,
Have my finances ready for the next year,
Car has failed it's 2nd MOT due to something that passed the first time round,
Garden isn't finished,
Have appointment at uni to discuss my project,

Then we have -
4 birthdays to think about,
Driving to Hudds without touching the motorway,
Learning a new department at work,
Changing all my addreses to my new place,

So a busy couple of weeks. Shaz is off to Germany at the weekend and my only worry is that she won't find somewhere to live in time. Had a lovely chat earlier so any feelings of sadness have been dampened.

Before I go I would like to warn the public that the film "Dead End" really is quite gruesome - so bear that in mind if you're just after a scary film.

I've added a few links to some sites I found. I won't tell you what they're about - I'll spoil half the fun!

And so, with a heavy heart, that concludes my posts from home for a while - the next one's will be from uni. (If I can still remember my login passwords!!!)

Tuesday 17 August 2004

Well the garden is coming along really well. It now resembles a flat piece of land once more. No grass, but the patio is laid. That was nackering!

Had to move my plant. Nan gave it to me so it's kind of precious to me but it's right where the shed is going to go. So I split it up and replanted it around the garden. It doesn't look like it'll last long though :-(
It'll be a shame, and I hope it doesn't but last night I managed to come to terms with losing it. It is only a plant after all - I still have my memories.

Talking of losing things, Perdysha is nearly on her way to Germany. Sad, but it's what she wants. I'll just have to wait a while and do some serious catching up when possible.

"Friends" don't know that I'm back - and to be honest I'm glad of the peace. No forcing of people to go where they're not comfortable. It's a shame that they don't want to make any effort, but not my fault so I refuse to blame myself!

Am really hungry.

Everything uni related is on hold. I'm waiting to hear back from a lovely lady in Huddersfield who I may lodge with for a couple years - that's if she doesn't manage to sell her house - I'm expecting confirmation this weekend. If I have a go, then it's time to ring my former former employer and negotiate my return. Unfortunately a lot of the management has changed since I left so it's going to be quite hard to find someone who remembers me... still, when I popped in a couple weeks ago the chances seemed good.

My car (it feels so good to say that) is running well. It's going to be a long, long trip north in that car... It's a good decade old and only has a small engine, but I'm told (from a reliable source) that I shouldn't do long distances in it at fast speeds. But it is a really nice drive.

Monday 2 August 2004

OK, now then, whats been happening?

I've been fixing our back garden lately. Doing that and going to and from Tracy's house. Nothing exciting really.

Ooh - have managed to sit down and watch 24, I'm only a few from the end now so nobody spoil it for me!!!

BFN

Thursday 22 July 2004

Ey up y'all!!!!!

freedom oh sunny freedom at last!

one blissful week spent mostly in bed.

I think that sums up my feelings.

NO MORE FRED! WooooooooooHoioooooooooooooooiooooooooooo

time to sing methinks.

Friday 16 July 2004

2x Tequila
3x Aftershock
1x Double JD and coke
2x pints of stella
1x bottle of tiger beer
1x orange juice
 
Ouch.

Thursday 15 July 2004

Well, one day to go folks!!!

God I'm excited!

Also, night out tonight. A few points to note... where am I going to eat? When am i going to eat? Will I be forced to get drunk?

Answer to the latter is no cos cobody can force me to do anything. so there :-p

However, who will turn up? eh? eh?
Why do i get so worked up before going out? This, ladies and gents, is one of the reasons I limit when I go out. i.e. I like to have a reason.

Anyway, I think my flextime is now balanced, so it's a clean sheet coming in tomorrow. And I'll get here extra early so I can have plenty time at lunch... you know, just in case anyone turns up.

T'ra for now kids
Tried to get an early night last night - failed more or less completely. Ah well. I'm at work early today - need to make up me hours before tomorrow
*excited giggle*

Am gettin butterflies about lookin for places to live at uni. Still don't know whether to go for a decent place (expensive) or go for a student place. Either way I think I'd be better on my own, but I have a house to visit that's shared with 3 others. Trouble is, they're the same age as me. Which is worrying cos I've seen what some of my contemporaries act like. Still - I can't be a one-off - can i?

I just want to settle. I have done for ages. But no.
*sigh*

I'm off out tonight so I believe. Wish me luck. And everybody hope that a certain somebody won't be there stirring up trouble and sharking. Poor women.

So, I go into today feeling tired and without motivation. My project is annoying me. Get this - I know the software works, I know the hardware works, I know that the two work together. BUT, the end-result is subject to random and non-random anomolies. You think I want to start fixing that? You've gotta be kiddin! Hopefully today will go quickly (I doubt it will) and then tomorrow comes and it's just forms, meetings, emptying of desk and I'm off into the sunset.

Move-out is Saturday evening. My landlady has been on holiday and I've enjoyed having the place to myself. Apart from the hoovering, I think I looked after the house pretty well. It went so well staying at her house that I may consider becomming a lodger at uni. MAY consider. I've bought her a thankyou card but I don't know what to get her for a present, so I may just leave the card. We'll see.

Got no plans Friday night - was gonna go to the pub for a meal, but if nobody else's there then what's the point in taking up a table in a busy pub?

Had pizza for tea last night. Why do Domino's Pizza persist in trying to sell large pizza's for the same price as a small? And also when ordering, why do they insist you have a large size? I managed to convince the guy that all I wanted was a medium this time. Luckily. I only just managed the medium!

My cousin rang me yesterday while I was at work. Missed his call though.

Cuz - I don't have me mobile on at work, and you have my work number. And I tried ringing you back last night around 7ish, but ya phones were off. I hope everythin's ok. I'll come round ya house next week with Trace probly.

Well, that's all of my news. As for the rest of the world, I'm somewhere near what you might call passive despair. And the events have triggered some statements I'd like to make puiblicly (bear in mind this is just how I feel right now):
Israel/Palestine - You both need sorting out, if you were squabbling kids there's a line parents like to use that I feel is quite appropriate... "I'll knock your heads together if you don't stop it"
Iraq - Why are certain people so against a stable government that, hopefully, will be a democratic government? It doesn't have to be a western style - just one that listens to its people, that's chosen by its people and that looks after its people.
Afghanistan - Has the world forgotten this place? They have their presedential elections coming up, but there is real doubt that a fair election can take place. Doesn't anyone find that the least bit concerning?
Zimbabwe - Why are we letting Mugabe ruin his country? Ok, so it's his country and he can do what he damn well pleases, but he's ruining it, and somebody needs to stand up to him and stop him from eliminating the democracy there.
Africa in general - The fight against aids is a big task, certain governments seem unwilling to do anything about this. Just one question - if every young person dies of aids, then who will govern the country in the future?
Russia - We need to keep a close eye on this country. Not least because the democracy there is fragile. Now, that country is massive, and trying to get the hundreds of millions living there into a reasonable state of housing after so many centuries of neglect, well it's a big task. And I agree with some analysts that say it may be what the country needs until it gets onto its feet. This doesn't apply to Zimbabwe, they were doing really well prior to the trouble.
UK - Again, a story of neglect in certain areas (transport etc.). To be fair, it could be a lot worse, but we're meant to be one of the leading countries in the world. As for our government and intelligence services - how can they get in such a state that we can be presented with facts that aren't actually fact.

That'll do for now. Should get on with something *waves*

Tuesday 13 July 2004

-3 days

Not bad eh?
*big sigh*
after a dreadful Monday where things just refused to go right for me, Tuesday has seen a marked improvement. I'm still going out Thursday apparently, which is a bit worrying but we'll just see how it goes I think.

One day I'll get around to organising all my pictures... I've been meaning to do it now for quite a few years. But now I have the technology to do it!

Monday 12 July 2004

Well, off home now. It's the end of day -5

4 days to go!!!

And they could NOT go quick enough.

Friday 9 July 2004

It's Penultimate Friday! Seems like just last week it was Propenultimate Friday.
sorry, the joke had to be done - if only cos I'm still slightly giddy from tiredness.

Had a lovely wake up today though.

So then, just under 6 working days left to go. Not a lot left to do really. Though for boredom, may I recommend the YetiSports website. Great fun. The link is up on the left, with the rest of the links.

Well, lets see what today brings eh?

Wednesday 7 July 2004

Well, day number 8 has been and gone. It was a long day, but pro-active none the less.

My hands smell, my legs ache and I've got a bike ride through wind and rain yet to come. Not to mention the trip to buy some food.




Yey!


Tuesday 6 July 2004

Lots of political nonsense going on that I don't agree with. Won't bore you with the details.

It was American "independance day" earlier this week. I thought it rather odd that some UK radio stations seemed to be celebrating it. Someone should really tell them what independance day is celebrating-that alone should tell them how inappropriate they're being. Why does it often seem as though this country is slowly integrating itself into America? Is this a world-wide phenomenon? I'd be interested in having a multinational debate about this.

Work - well, it's going well. 8.5 days to go. Having a few setbacks that are knocking my confidence a bit, but other than that I'm doing well I reckon.

Am looking forward to going home for a bit. Then it's off to uni. Oh the joy! Am quite nervous about this. Me doubting my own abilities doesn't help. So, I shall try to have more faith in myself. I also need to put in more effort in socialising. But I'm trying. It's just hard to break out of your genetics - if you get my meaning.

Ok, enough whining. I'm gonna have a look round the tinterweb for sommat of interest before lunch is over.
8 and 3 quarter days to go.

You are the most common poster, but I wouldnt say the most popular Lee :D

Is he joking? I honestly don't know where I stand anymore.


As there is only three people currently posting, this is no mean record! Im gonna scrap this and get a new website on I think.

Trim


3 people? who's the third? If you count coming online once a month and saying one or two words posting, then yes, you are the third. But it's mainly me. 47 out of 116 posts are mine. Trace could be argued as the second.

Oh well, I'm looking forward to the next disasterous site. All the best!

Thursday 1 July 2004

Well, 11.5 days to go to I finish my job. That's working days btw.

The train company finally gave me my season ticket yesterday. It's only taken a month. I bet they'll short change me too. They still owe me money and I'm gonna make sure they pay.

Unlike bloody royal mail. I sent a parcel special delivery from london to preston. Now where on that route does the isle of man come into things? Cos that's where it ended up. Fair enough, they said I could claim a refund. BUT, I need the packaging from the parcel, the receipt of postage/payment from the PO.
Now, how on earth am i meant to be in possession of the packaging? So you're thinking the recipient can claim the refund? Oh no, cos you need the receipt that the sender has. So how exactly is anyone supposed to claim their refund? If I could get the packaging back - then there'd be no point in me sending it in the first plae, I could just take it myself.

*sigh*

Oh well. I guess that's the idea. it's not fair mind. So I won't be claiming my refund because it was only a day late and it arrived in good condition - making it not worth the bother.

I'm really getting the hang of this ranting to any poor bugger who'll read this aren't I?

Monday 28 June 2004

Ok, while we're still in June, I'd best let you know about my birthday.

Well, I had the friday and monday booked off so I could have a long weekend. Last of my holiday time you know! Well, Thursday night I get told of a night out. So I hurry from work, get home, eat, dress, then rush to the station to get the train to home home where this celebrating was happening. I get there for about 10, pretty good going to say I was in London at 6! Well I got there, met the folks I used to play footie with. God they've grown. Most were taller than me and one kept licking me neck.

Anywho, we then went to a club I'd not been to before. It was ok. It was a student night so I felt quite at home. So we stayed there till I can't remember when. Midnightish possibly. Had fun, it was worth the rush.

So, the morning after Al's birthday bash, I get a call askin where I am. Well, I'm still asleep - not realising that the trip to Alton Towers was today (Friday 11th) and not Saturday. So I get up, get moaned at for smelling, arrive hungry and tired, and still quite tipsy around midday. I then proceeded to go on Nemesis, Air, log flume thing, black hole thing, corkscrew thing. Not bad to say I've never been on a rollercoaster in my life until that day.

Isn't alcohol lovely?

Well on the night we do what I wanted to do - and that was to go play pool. We must've stayed for, oh I dunno, an hour, and everyone went. I half wanted to stay on my own.

Saturday I spent catchin up on all the sci-fi I'd missed off sky1. On the evening went for meal with parents and bumped into an old friend who wasn't as psychotic that night.

Sunday - my birthday. Parents take me out for lunch. Very nice it was. Then we got back. I wanted to go watch the footie somewhere since I've not done that before, and it being my 21st I wanted to do a lot of firsts.

But, alas, nobody could be bothered. But, my parents did help with champagne, cake, lager and football. Ok, so we lost to France in a nerve racking game, but it was a good match. Then watched a bit more telly and went to bed.

Monday I went home. But before I left, I texted my cousin. Just to see if he'd noticed that he'd completely forgotten about our plans for Saturday. Nope, he hadn't noticed. In fact, he was quite curious as to why I was back in the area.

Thursday 17 June 2004

I have a lot to say about my birthday. Give me some time to construct what I want to say into proper sentences.

Wednesday 9 June 2004

Ah, here I am once again. This seat is starting to get comfy and everythin!

Had a nice trip away last week. The hours were long and I can only hope that I proved that, when given the chance, I'm useful and productive.

To other news. Am going to write to The Queen. Want to clarify all this esquire business. I want to know the "rules" behind adding Esq. to the end of your name. Believe it or not, I couldn't find a useful bit of info anywhere. Not relating to the UK at any rate.

My new home is still nice. Don't think I'm making a big enough contribution though as regards housework. Though I guess I'm paying for that to be done. Still doesn't feel right though.

Riding my bike to/from work is going well. Feeling the difference already! It's not far, and the topography is pretty level. But it's still a challenge for a lad who hasn't excersised much in 3 years.

It's voting day tommorow. Local and Euro elections. I've seen these postal votes - the process of making a vote is troublesome, some parts of the forms are difficult to understand, but on the whole, once you know what you're doing, they're fine.
Still don't know who to vote for. Have been looking through the parties. here's never one party that satisfies your feelings - it's always a mixture of two or three.
I've agreed with Labour over a lot of things - even Iraq to a certain extent. Though their leadership doesn't seem to be with the leader any more - it's like Mr Blair isn't saying what he thinks any more, only what he's told to do. I don't remember thinking that last time. Conservatives are a farce. Lib Dems, now I agree with a few of their ideas, quite a lot actually, but there's some I really think would be wrong for the country/EU. So I've been looking at all these smaller parties. Their websites seem fairly legitimate, but how do I know I'm not unknowingly voting for some radical group on a par with the BNP?
But I'm going to vote. I just don't know why - it rarely seems to make a difference.

Well, it's a busy month of the year. Birthdays coming in thick and fast! It's the ever radiant Tracy's birthday today, Al's tomorrow, mine on Sunday. Parents anniversary is comin up, as well as fathers day on the 21st! I never get to enjoy my birthday, I usually end up shopping for all the other events going on! Still, It's my 21st and I plan to play snooker, pool, get drunk, eat a bit, watch England beat France, drink some more, then go back to work. Dehydrated most probably. Still - it's gonna be a lovely long weekend!

I suppose, out of fairness, I should shout HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACE! Have a lovely day. The rest of ya presents will be on their way Saturday. Enjoy yourself chick :-)

I've watched a bit of this years Big Brother. It's more of a gameshow this year (so someone said) so I tune in for the events like evictions, live tasks etc. Maybe, if I'm very bored, I'll watch the first half hour of BB until mr Radcliffe is on the Radio2. Then dose off to his dulset tones. Though even though his show's new, I have to say I'd prefer more talk. So Mr Whale of TalkSport may be listened to again. Either way, me DAB Digital radio works wonders!

Well, I do believe that's everything for now. Take care everyone

Monday 17 May 2004

Oh dear. They've gone and changed everything again! I'd only just got used to the last blummin interface. Ho Hum.

Where does ho hum come from anyway?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my good mood with y'all. It's a lovely day today. It was one of those bright happy mornings that helps you out of bed and float into work. Plus lunch in the gardens was lovely.

But that's not all... When i first came to work this morning I smelt something that took me straight back to a time when I was at school and occasionally went to my mates Nans house after school.

I have few happy memories from school - that's one of them.

Right, well, what else is happening? I'm moving out this weekend. Have already smashed up me sofa and it's waiting to be collected. Bit of an eyesore but there's not a right lot I can do about it really. So I'll be packing over this week as well as desperately trying to use up me food!

I still haven't replaced my iron, and I need to go shopping for a couple things. So must remember that after work.

Oh, people are meant to be coming to view my flat (yes, the poor unaware buggers) but they've yet to arrange a time. I won't go into details just yet, but certain people aren't doing all they can to help!

Guess I should mention work. It's going well. Same stress as ever, but again, more details in the future.

Uni - I have chosen my 4th year subjects (aka my specialisation) and I have also chosen my project for the year. The details are yet to be sorted (which reminds me, I need to bug the uni about that) but I'll be developping sensors to control a robot chassis. Ok, so that's quite vague, but I'm going to see if I can develop something along the lines of remote exploration, though I may be expecting too much of myself there. We'll see.

Apparently my car is in healthy shape again. Not long to go till I have my first car now. Officially it's mine from my birthday, but I probably won't get to use it till September time - which I don't mind too much as I won't need it till then. Though it does help the flat hunting situation cos I can look further afield.

I think we're up to date now.

Bfn, Lee

Wednesday 28 April 2004

Ahhh, much better now I've had a drink.

Ok, doctors I forgot to mention.

Went, got checked, got told (effectively) to bugger off and if it persists go back. Is years not long enough? Ok, so I haven't mentioned that bit - bu it's in my medical history! Why are our doctors so over worked that they don't have the resources to deal with cases like mine?

I can date feeling faint back to 1998, chest pains started in 2001ish, growing persistently (but slowly) worse. Maybe I should mention this next time? I'm no doctor, but I'd say there's something up with my blood pressure. Though it could quite easily be several other things making me feel like this. Just blood pressure sounds the most likely to me.

Ok, enough rambling. I'm going to make my way, on fairly unsteady legs, to the clocking-in machine.

Oh Joy!
Nowt to say really. Not a completely happy bunny, but that's about it. Bit annoyed at Yahoo's decision to make WAP email a paid for thing. So now I have even less ways to keep in touch with the few people that want anything to do with me.

Ignore me, I'm just tired. I don't seriously think it's all that bad.

Have sorted out where I'm living from the end of this month. And I'll be making a contribution to the Mark and Lard empire. I'm going to compile some quotes for biggedybong.com and make my own tribute page. That'll be it.

Now where'd I put my bottle of fanta?..........

Friday 23 April 2004

I had a lovely day yesterday. Had a reply from a dj I wrote to, which was really kind. But then, I got home and picked up my eviction notice of the floor. Yup, I'm being evicted just so's my landlord can house his wedding guests.

I am very angry, needless to say, and so I'm leaving earlier so that he doesn't get any more money ffrom me. All I have to do is get a place to go, which is in the pipeline.

I guess I'm so angry because I try to do right by anybody, and an eviction looks bad on my record. If any records are kept. But still - you see my point. I'm at my current job until July, and I have a cheaper place to go to, if they don't mind me moving in a month early.

I may update you later today or tomorrow. We'll see. On the plus side, I got a major project finished yesterday as well as many other things, So very proud of myself.

Time to go.
Happy St George's Day to all who consider themselves English.

Wednesday 21 April 2004

Update time!

Right then, over Easter I went to Cornwall with the ever lovely Tracy. We didn't just go to one place, we pretty much covered the lot, if a little briefly. We've now been to the southernmost point, westernmost point, just two to go now!

Have given up on my blog plans for now. This is where I'll stay.

I do have a bit of pollitical annoyance within me. Though I'll summarise it thus:
* Don't leave Iraq high and dry - finish what we started.
* Americans, for goodness sake, think with your brains not your guns.
* Mr Prime Minister - if I could only believe that there wasn't some other hidden agenda(s) I would call you a good leader for all these risks you've taken since 1997. But you really need to take more risks on domestic issues.
* Multiculturalism - a good thing in principle, though we need a lot more practive at the real thing. Everyone needs to make effort. EVERYONE
* Oil/Gas reserves. Eventually they'll run out. We, as a planet, need to plan ahead and start converting to re-useable energy as fast as possible.
* Governments need to start pre-empting decisions, not just react to events and ignore warning signs.


You can see I could go on for ages, but I think that lot sums up todays annoyances. I've been frequenting a Mark and Lard tribute site. A permanent link will be put up on the left.

As for my health. I don't feel well at all. While on holiday I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Luckily I didn't, but i still feel dizzy, I still have other pains. So I've got an appointment next Tuesday. I have to wait a minimum 4 days before an appointment. Ok, so it could be a hell of a lot worse, but for this country, for the standards we used to hold ourselves to, it's an awful delay.

Next holiday is probably gonna be at the end of may. I'll go up to Tracy's house. While I'm there I'll see about flats, but I doubt I'll get anywhere. You know, I set aside a weekend to look round flats. I ended up with 3 appointments after god knows how many phone calls. the first was a dump so we legged it. the second cancelled. The third would've been perfect if it had more daylight. Correction, ANY daylight. Parents have kindly offered to look round places I choose, but I don't know if that would give a good impression. Of course, if I explain it right (which is hard for me) it shouldn't be too bad.

Did I ever mention going to meet a family I lived near? Well, I did while I was on my travels. They were lovely, and I tried to talk but what can you say to people you haven't seen in over a decade? That said, I felt at home and once the initial nerves had gone, I enjoyed myself. However I left feeling disappointed. Not in them, but in myself, for not trying harder, for not speaking more. Then I find out that they thought I looked uncomfortable and felt guilty for inviting me.I told them the truth, but I still feel like I let them down.

So, to cheer me up, Tracy bought me a digital radio so I could listen to Marc Riley on BBC 6Music. Got it home and the reception isn't good enough to get 6music! Or talksport so I could at least hear James Whale crystal clear. So I bought meself a motherboard and a computer case with PSU. Put it together a couple nights ago and I'll probably buy the processor, fan and memory today online. So, by the weekend, I should have a working, upgraded PC. My only worry is with the USB ports. I'll be running win98, but win98 doesn't support USB2. Oh well!

I need a drink, so it's off to the coffee machine to get a cup of orange juice that tastes funny and is a bit too bright orange to be called safe to drink.

Take care x

Wednesday 31 March 2004

drat! Well, I'll have to re-think my plan of a pretty little site for my blog. I do have other ideas, however, but we'll see. For now, I have to blow up more transistors

*jumps with glee*
Right, we have the updated format - what ya think?

It may be a little on the dark side, but I reckon it could be lots worse. Miss Dirtyflowergirl has opened my eyes to how I go about allowing any general passer-by to leave a comment. So, soon, when I'm not supposed to be fixing numerous problems and having to face the fact that I'm not half as good as I want to be or believe I should be, I shall register for that thingamebob., Also, shall see if I can get the alternative (prettier) version of this page running on my main website.

Thinking about it, that could do with redesigning too. Still, one abuse of company property at a time eh?

Monday 22 March 2004

Hi y'all. I'm back!

Anyone miss me?

What? you didn't know i was gone. Well, thanks for the thought.

hehe

What was my point? Oh yes, work has got a little better since talking about things more openly. Seems common sense really, but like I say - common sense is rarely obvious until pointed out.

I've designed a new look blog (since I, erm, destroyed my template in a fit of anger) and it should appear whenever I remember to bring a disk to work with the template on.

I'm gonna carry on with lunch now, but just wanted to keep everyone informed. Not that many people read this. Not that it matters. Not that I care.

Bye bye :-)

Thursday 4 March 2004

Work this week has been hell. I have been within a hairs breadth of hitting one of my colleagues. I settled for a controlled shout. I haven't been this near the edge in a long time. I have just felt like I'm failing miserably at everything I do at work.

I emailed uni this time. They said thankyou for letting them know. Since then, nothing much has happened.

Mark and Lard are leaving radio 1 in case you didn't know already. They leave at the end of this month. Mark is off to Radio 2 in the Autumn, Lard is off to 6 music in April.

I'm not feeling as worn down today as I have been all week. I've been watching back to back episodes of Red Dwarf on the new DVD's I've bought. They've brought a lot of comfort to me: Made me smile and want to do stuff for a change.

Now I've got that off my chest I feel a bit better.

Wednesday 3 March 2004

*big sigh*

time to be condesending.

I knew this would happen.

Which is applicable to everything right now. I predicted it, and now it has happened. i keep records. It's there in blue and white. Swirly lines coming together to produce letters, which in turn create words. Words are powerful, that's why words should be left to professionals.

Pending further developments, LHEonline will be closed as of now. I'm too drained for such fuss.

Monday 1 March 2004

Well? What can I say. I could be condesending, I could just as easily be insulting. But now is not the time.

Everyone has their own way of doing things. This might disrupt others for a while, but there is no need for publicity.

I've noticed that there are the kinds of people who get a bit distracted from the original cause and I can't help but feel that all this is not helping.

Just stop.

Think.

Everyone has a right to a point of view, just remember it works both ways.

This has all been handled so badly. Although it is not my fault, I feel guilty.

I am aware of what kind of response this will receive. I could be suprised - I don't know everything.

Yes the event is sad, a loss. But look past that. Look at the reasons. Look at their own thoughts. Look at why, at their feelings on the issue. See the bigger picture. And then put yourself in those shoes and think seriously, then think some more.

Please.

See past your own beliefs, question your beliefs. Then go back to the problem with a new understanding. Then say something worth saying.
I have been following this story quite closely. I have kept my silence despite annoyance, guilt and various other emotions all fighting for control of my fingers.

But now I must break that silence and be quite controversial. But first, I have to say thank you to "behindanonymity". You are well balanced and considerate, you're tolerance for people intefering has been admirable.

I don't for one second want you to take your life, but I have been convinced that it is your only option. While I don't know you personally, I can see past the things others are seeing. Their efforts are misguided, and I apologise sincerely for any part I played.

I remember a song lyric:
"you only see what your eyes want to see"
I can't help but feel cynical about the help of others. I'm not sure of their personal motives.

And now look what's being written. Now on the defensive. This is not fair.

So what if it sounds like I'm encouraging this whole thing?! I'm not encouraging it, I'm not saying it's a good idea. I'm saying I've accepted it as the only idea. Why is that wrong?

Saying this to a depressed person would be a manor of encouragment. But does behindanonymity seem depressed to you? Tired, yes, but if they can be successful on so many levels - how can it be depression.

Please, see what's there. Don't see certain words in a line - see the whole sentence. Take into account it's context.

I'll write more later, when I've calmed down a bit. I feel I'm saying too much in the wrong way.

Wednesday 25 February 2004

Tuesday 24 February 2004

Ok, three things for this afternoon's update (which in itself is odd due to the next one being scheduled for March some time).

1) Read some information about problem colleagues. Found the category I fit in to, but not the one they fit into. So the problem must be mine. But I already do what the advice says i.e. saying no to things I can't do. I try not to promise the world. I know what I'm capable of, I just annoy myself when I fail. It isn't my incompitence, it is, in fact, not knowing the whole picture. So in future I shall endeavour to get as much information as possible before I start something. Though it would help if I even had prper equipment to start with!

2) Now we come on to the main reason for todays post. My friend, Perdysha, received the following comment on her journal:

Hi. I'm new to blogging and all, so please excuse me if I'm breaking some sort of etiquitte here. I'm looking for the owner of:
http://jamba.blogspot.com
I believe it said this blog belongs to his mate.
I'd very much like to pass a note to the girl in behindanonymity and jamba seemed to be in at least some sort of contact with her.
I wonder could I even send a note to jamba to post on his blog for her.
ANYTHING! I'd just like to offer friendship and listening - I'm not a crazy stalker or a bible beater or anything like that.
My blog is not up yet, my email is xx@yy.zz
[blanked for security]
Please contact me if you can help and again, I apologize for bothering you.


Thirdly, my reply:
3) Hi Jenny (I presume that's your name) first of all, the fact that you have gone to such lengths to get in touch says something in itself. I shall be sending an email to you shortly, which will give you my address should you want to talk about this issue further. I am replying publicly so as everything is out in the open.

I would now like to make something clear (mainly for legal reasons):
I have no contact with the girl behindanonymity
The order of events were as follows:
1) I come across a disturbing blog, completely accidentally.
2) I am in the process of updating my blog and comment on what I saw
3) Someone else saw a reply to my comments on the disturbing blog.
4) I replied using my blog because I didn't want to face saying nothing
5) I found a second reply from behind anonymity

Ok, now that's out the way I shall continue my reply. Jenny (if that's your name), feel free to write about this on your own blog. I could put a comment on mine, but there is just as much chance of the behindanonymity person would even read it.

I know what is written on behindanonymity is disturbing. I know of a few people, including myself, who have been upset over this. But, if the behindanonymity person does read this blog, she will already know that you care. So I have to recommend you say nothing further because in all likelyhood nothing you could say could change her mind. Though the choice is indeed yours.

As I've already said, I'll send a blank email to you so you have my address. Then, if you want to talk I can try and help.

Monday 16 February 2004

Hi, Monday again. And here I am, at work, and feeling rather demoralised.

Any way... must mention valentines day. Thank you Tracy for a lovely weekend, and a lovely card. She made it herself you know - and its even good!!! hehe

Mate is comin down next week, so I shall have to tidy my flat... which i havent been in since Friday afternoon! I may even try my hand at polishing. Well, it has been 3 months. Housework never gets done - mainly because I'm not there to do it, and when I am I'm too nackered. Which, according to friends, is completely understandable.

Right then. WHere can I satrt improving things at work? Well, a fight might be nice, but the slightly more plausable idea of assertiveness may go down better. Not that I'm assertive very often. Just when I have to be. Don't really use it 'on-tap'.

Well, I'm off to look at the many offers for Viagra I've no doubt received, and the couple decent emails in-between. Apologies for my grammar and spelling.

Friday 13 February 2004

To behindanonymity.blogspot.com:
The one thing that shook me most from reading what you have written, is the calmness of it. It isn't said in anger, in spite, in misery or, for that matter, happiness. It is very objective.

From what you do say, I'm left to believe that this is just the tip of the iceberg. But I'm going to stick by what I said, and what I implied. I think, that before you do this, you should try every other possibility. I agree that society does view suicide as a weakness - I don't see it quite like that, but I still believe it should be the very last option.

Don't think of how foolish I am, think how much misery it will bring if I continued living with such a life.

I don't want any pity from anyone. Just know that there are people with exceptionally harsh lives out there.


I don't for one second think you're foolish. Indeed, there are people with lives a lot worse than mine. I can't say I've ever seriously thought about suicide, but I have been low. But this isn't about that sort of thing, I'm drifting off the subject.

I really don't know what to say. Not that the words of a stranger mean anything anyway. Just be really really really sure it's the best option. People will be upset, people will be shocked and they will have to live through this. People will miss you. What about whoever finds you? What will it do to their lives? Things like that can disturb people for a long time.

But then, you've probably considered all of that - you bloody well better have done.

Yes, I'm probably contradicting myself and making little sense. That's normal.

Nothing I can say will change your mind.

This whole thing has upset me. I'm an emotional person. and I'm also bloody freaked out by the way I'm talking to someone who could be dead in a few weeks. What the hell do you say? Legally I can't say "good luck", I don't particularly want to say that either. I just want to be sure you know that your choice is the only choice, and all other choices have been used. But, how will I ever be sure? So I'll say this:

Goodbye

Tuesday 10 February 2004

Ok, it's been a long time, and a lot has happened.

Christmas went well, got a few pressies and I liked them all. New year was good, spent time with mates and gf, saw films, went for walks, dislocated a few joints, so all in all a good couple of weeks.

January was quite boring really. Visited Trace towards the end of Jan cos I got some time off. Not many work trips in JAn - 2 trips to Germany though, quite enjoyed it. I actually understood most of what was being said since the trip was caried out almost entirely in english. So i felt i had a much larger role to play.

Unlike February. Which started with a work trip to france for the week. On our way home we were told another french mill needed us. So we went there. Stopped there till nearly 1am, then I was off to the airport for midday saturday. picked up some illness so im a bit dizzy, a bit bunged up, bit achy, but otherwise ok.

1st February was my Nan's birthday. Unfortunately, she died in October 2001, but I love her so much and would like the rest of the world to know that. Also had a really emotional dream about her this morning and I woke up crying at about 4am.

Haven't been keeping in touch with people as well as I could be. There are certain people who I used to be friends with, but they don't bother talking to me anymore. Yes, it was my fault to start with, but I've tried to correct this but all I get is:
1) ignored
2) fobbed off
3) chatted to in an over-friendly, way-too-generous way
at least i can say one thing... I know who my friends are.

Have a new addition to my website (first in a long time). Again about a block of flats and lights (related?!) The complex in which I live has corridor lighting on a timer activated by a switch at the front door. So, when someone comes in, they switch the light on. The corridors stay lit for 5 minutes or so.

Now, I leave work at random times. Anywhere between 4 and 7 usually though. and whenever I return, the lights are already on. So, I propose that there is someone either spying on me or living in my flat while i'm not there and they have an early warning system in place.

Hjmmm, thinking about it, that is quite pathetic. I mean, thats a standard time for people to get back from work. It could be anyone. Oh well.

How about people staring at me? That's still going on even though I've bought a new jacket! Its a furry thing. I think a womans coat but, to quote Tracy, "a woman wouldn't be seen dead in one of them". I think she thinks it's hideous. But it's warm - and that all i care about.

Am feeling a bit shaken from another blog i've read. it's someone who plans to kill themself on 3rd March 2004. Reading it, you come away with the impression that all the upset could be avoided if the person would seek help. But they keep it bottled up. I'm not sure they'll go through with it, I hope they dont cos there seems little need. They admit they have good days. so maybe anti-depressants would help. maybe there is an underlying physical condition affecting this person. the link is here for the more morbid reader...http://behindanonymity.blogspot.com