It is 03:30 AM. i am very tired.

I stayed up specially to keep a friend company while they worked. Wanted an early night. but no, i stay up. and i thought i was helping. being someone to chat to. to provide a distraction - a welcome distraction from the stresses.

But then she just went. gave up and went to bed. i know i shouldnt, but i feel angry and disappointed. I was tryin - i really was, yet i feel like it wasnt good enough. I shouldnt get so wrapped up in other ppl's emotions. I start behaving like im them. its not good. But i just wanted someone to know i was upset. Upset cos she gave up after I was trying to help. Its bloody difficult to be chatty at three in the bloody morning u know!!!

Im in shock more than anything. hence the inability to express myself. well, tiredness hasnt helped. well i may as well go to bed. i tried, i failed. but hopefully she'll do well in this essay and it'll all be worth it still. Im sure she will do. Cos I do have faith in her. And im sorry for being angry at her for upsetting me. Im just a silly bugger.

For the record, and since I'm here, I have to start my 'mood diary' today. and by the way my moods have been getting more and more volatile this last week - it should prove interesting reading. Also, sister went clubbing in the city (14ish miles away) and she still isnt back. I wouldnt think anything of it if she wasnt 17! its nearly 4am - and she's causing me concern. the little bitch who i like to think i dont give a flying f**k about is causing me bloody concern! BITCH!

bugger, ive wound myself up. What better time than to remember that IVE DONE NO FECKING REVISION THIS WEEK well, except for one day - and that was pathetic.. roll on work placement - its gonna be so good living on my own. For the first few weeks at least. I shall relish theose weeks! Bedtime now. my head hurts, my back hurts, my eyes are sore - my bloody excema cream is at uni house so my forehead feels like its on fire most of the time, im tearful and im going to bed. i better not cry myself to sleep. i'll try reading my book - that always gives me good dreams. thats if i can stay awake long enough.

thankfully, i dont have to be up tomorrow for anything, though i do go back to uni at the weekend - and i dont want to AT ALL.

Sweet dreams