i am SOOOOOO bloody angry right now!!! have u seen the time? I can't get to sleep now - i've worked myself up into such a state! And all because of a text messge, that, for most intents and purposes, was meant in a friendly way. I just didnt take it like that. I see it as an attack on my privacy. Coupled with the feeling that my Mom pries WAY tooo much into my life, I'm feeling rather angry.

Who shall i have a go at first? I know - text message snder....he wasn't meant to know where i was. i so wish i'd stayed in a __ing b&b now! it may have cost a bit, but at least i'd be away from EVERYONE. every __ing nosy bastard who wants to know TOO much about me. I don't mind ppl knowing some things - hence THIS piece of self absorbed effluence! But trying to know EVRYTHING does my head in. And it makes me angry! I've spent the last hal;f hour imagining fights and arguments. Of course, i alwasy win, but that just fuels the anger further. BLOODY BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare he get me this sodding angry. Have this level of control. It's that that I resent the most. Almost as much as i hate that stupid, borderline pathetic, threatening stare. All it __ing does is make me want to punch the git - doesn't scare me, make me feel guilty or anything. just fillsd me with __ing rage.. BLOODY BLOODY BASTARD!

As for Mom, well, her intentions are, at least, honest and sincere. She cares, fuck knows why she seems to delve into my personal life so deeply. She does it with no1 else - just me. __ing fantastic trhat is! Am i allowed NO privacy. Am i allowed no peace? All I'm trying to do is get on with my life. I'm coping. I see a psychotherapist, I see a counsellor, I have a doctor monitoring the physical effects of all this stress - FOR FUCKS SAKE i'm BLOODY WELL COPING!! But no, that isn't good enough is it?! No, not only am i doing all that, but my bloody mother wants me to tell her exactly whats gone on, n all the gory detail possible. I don't tell her, and i tell her that what she's doing annoys me - BUT STILL SHE ASKS!!!! FFS!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

All i want, is to start enjoying my life. I'm sick of ppl prying. It doesn't FEEL like care. It's meant as care, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm happy having virtually no real-life social life. I'm happy having my mates miles away from me. Cos when i visit, it's special. The impersonality of the internet allows me to overcome my low confidence. I'M __ING FINE AS I AM! I wish ppl would just stop fussing and just leave my mental state alone! I didn't mention that the texter is a psychology student did i? I __ing hate them now. Always watching, and knowing your mind better than you. There's fuck loads of suspicion going on i know. Possibly a hefty dose of paranoia. And no, i'm not entirely sure what i want done to rectify the situation. But i am VERY pissed off right now, and this has been why.

I'm now gonna go on chat. Hopefully SOMEONE i know will be online for me to chat to. I can only hope!