Hello there. Well haven't I been a busy bee?!

Don't make me laugh!

I've been enjoying my time off. Taking the opportunity to relax. You'll be pleased to hear that I've applied for my first job. The rest of the good graduate training schemes start their intake in September/October and generally take until June/July before a job offer is made. I can still apply to other jobs, just not the training schemes. I'll keep an eye open.

Took an IQ test the other day - scored 126. So I went to the Mensa website and did their 'warm up' test. Scored 21 out of 30. That's 70%. I was suprised I did so well! I would be interested in others results so I can compare.

Well I'm afraid I have nothing else to say. I'm going to play a few games now. And maybe visit the loo. Oh I love this 'no commitments' environment - I haven't been this relaxed for years! Look - no eczema!

*** Bumper Update Edition ***

Entry for 20th July 2005
Well hasn't it been a good few weeks? The house move went well. Decorating went well; I got lots done and was very proud of myself for managing so well.

As some will already know, I finished living in Hudds some time ago. but I still have to visit for one last trip to work (to collect P45 and final wage slip). After that, it's goodbye for good. Well, until the ceremony in November; I passed you see - got a 2:2. I was only a few marks off a 2:1 - a bit saddening, but I'm happy if you are!

Well it was an eventful last week at work. The Friday saw my leaving do and I was so touched by the amount of people who came. I got quite a few presents, a few cards, and all of my drinks paid for. I had a wonderful evening, one of my best ever types of times.

By the end of the night there was just me and a couple others left. We got ambushed by this girl (a past 'friend' of the people left) who was obsessed with saying "you've lost so much weight". So naturally the remaining people disappeared (I don't blame them one bit!). Leaving me with this girl. Well, I finished my drink, said goodbye and went to bed.

Only one problem, I didn't have a bed to sleep in. But then, I've been wanting to sleep in the car for a while now. So off I went, I lay down in the back of the car, then that night hit me and I cried for a bit. Then I went to sleep. I had a good sleep. Woke up early, read the Dr Who book I was bought (which i think is brilliant btw) and felt tearful once more. i then had a successful, emotional day at work. Drove my friend home, said a strange goodbye and that was it.

Entry for 29th July 2005
Well, I'm back home. if I'm honest, it feels weird being back knowing i've no simple escape from this place. Don't get me wrong - my parents have made me feel so welcome and at home - it's just that I've been away so long that I don't feel part of this place any more. The sooner I find a job and a place of my own, the better. There are too many old faces, too many memories that I don't want to face. It's not that I can't deal with them, just that I'd rather not have to.

So anyway, news! I have been clearing out parents loft; it's full of my stuff. Have chucked a lot out, some is being sold on Ebay, anything that doesn't sell can go to charity or thrown away. I'm only keeping a bare minimum. That job in itself brought back a lot of memories - they weren't all good memories either.

My other job has been in a more assistive role: helping Dad put some decking up in the garden. It's not a 'flat-pack' job either - he bought the wood and is making it from scratch. My job has mainly been painting the wood; not as easy as it sounds as I spent a whole day doing most of it - JUST most of it!

On the job front, I have been keeping an eye on the market. There seem to be quite a few jobs cropping up that would be of interest to me - trouble is they are all via agencies and so how do I know who the company is? How am I supposed to know whether they are a company I want to work for? But it doesn't look as though I have much choice - I tried looking for companies but it's a pain in the rear end! But at least I have a CV written now.

Entry for 4th August 2005
I sold 3 items on Ebay - 3 of 22. I have managed to lose £1 with this venture - brilliant. Chuffing brilliant.

Now that there are no more major demands on my time, I've been getting out and about visiting family. I aim to make this a regular thing. Maybe every fortnight or something - I think every week would be a bit excessive; for the family, not for me - I wouldn't mind! Right now the time that has passed and the various feuds that have nothing to do with me seem like a chasm that needs to be filled. I want to make friends with my family.

A lot is going to depend on the next few months regarding family. The trickiest bit will be repairing bridges that I didn't burn down. I've already been rejected once when I tried to bring family together; but I guess if family don't want to know each other, that's different from me wanting to know family. I have reached the point where I feel like I'm being pulled in many directions.

I suppose all I can do is stay true to myself and to what I want. Fate, if you believe in such a thing, may make those hard decisions for me. I suppose I'm thinking too far ahead and am panicking because I can't plan. I suppose I should just concentrate on the short to medium term; for this I can plan.

See - I know what I must do. But I'm still not going to get any sleep tonight.